6 Ways to Get Started with Bondage
First off, kink and BDSM isn’t like what you see in the movies… or in adult erotica films. It can be messy, awkward, funny, and different than what you may have expected.
So when you picture your first BDSM experience to be like that of Anastasia in 50 Shades of Grey, well… just don’t. Not everyone gets swept away by rich, handsome, and successful men who are experienced in the art of BDSM.
But that doesn’t mean that your first ever experience won’t be something completely enjoyable, erotic, and fun. It’s merely about being realistic and taking it slow.
For that reason, we’ve compiled a list of six non-threatening ways to get started with bondage and other aspects of BDSM in the bedroom.
Give these a try, see how you like it, and take it from there…
1. It’s an Adventure, Not a Destination
As intriguing as a spreader bar or clitoral clamp may be, if you have no experience with bondage whatsoever, we recommend easing your way into it. There are a bunch of thrilling bondage props you can use to get you warmed up.
Start with one aspect, like sensory deprivation. This doesn’t need to be half as intimidating as it sounds. You could simply use a quilted eye mask which can heighten the wearer’s other senses and sensations, and cause a feeling of arousal and intrigue.
Or, you could choose to wear quilted handcuffs that are fastened in the front. By doing this, you’re giving the wearer the ability to touch themselves, making it a thrilling yet sexually explorative experience where the handcuffed person is still slightly in control of their own pleasure.
2. Feel Safe with a Safeword
As cliche as it may sound, having a conversation, setting rules and boundaries, and coming up with a safeword before playtime will make the experience that much more pleasurable.
Also, by chatting about your expectations, interests, and limits beforehand, you can ensure a safe and stress-free time with your partner.
A safeword is simply an additional way in which to instill confidence and trust in each other, and to ensure that when things become too much, it can be brought to a halt quickly and easily.
3. Enhance the Experience with Alluring Attire
Using bondage props is not the only way in which to dip your toe in the water that is BDSM. In fact, it’s more so about the entire experience as a whole as opposed to using one bondage technique. For most BDSM-enthusiasts, it’s the lifestyle that attracts them.
Having said that, dressing up in a sultry and or fetish outfit is a great way to gauge your interest in the lifestyle.
You could opt for a dominatrix type look, a dirty cop costume, or a love slave set, and see how you or your partner feels in the attire, and how you both react to this kind of kink.
4. Don’t Be Afraid to Get Handsy
For bondage beginners, props could be somewhat scary. And that’s totally fine, you really don’t need to buy big and intimidating toys in order to get a taste of BDSM.
In the world of BDSM, you may well find that you are personally more attracted to other factors besides bondage… such as dominance, submissiveness, sadism, or masochism.
And these things can be done without fancy constraints. Your hands are just as capable of light and erotic spanking, pinching, and scratching as they are for sensuality.
Alternatively, you can use your mouth for soft biting, or hard biting that causes bruises or bite marks.
5. Experiment with Dominance and Submission
Have a think about whether you see yourself as more dominant or more submissive in the bedroom. And if you’re unsure, you can totally be both… that is, a switch.
Once you’ve decided on the roles you and your partner would like to try, there are a few things a dominant and a submissive can do to take on their roles for the first time, such as:
- The dominant asks the submissive to stay still as if they were bound in bondage gear for a certain amount of time
- The submissive acts as a piece of furniture, like a foot stool, for the dominant
- The submissive refrains from masturbation until the dominant allows them to do it
- The dominant has their submissive delay their orgasm until a certain time
6. Experiment with Sadism and Masochism
A sadist (oftentimes is the ‘dominant’) is someone who actively enjoys the idea and experience of giving pain, and a masochist (oftentimes is the ‘submissive’) actively enjoys the idea and experience of receiving pain.
Now again, after talking with your partner and seeing if you both share an interest in this BDSM dynamic, you could have a conversation about some rules and guidelines that you’re both comfortable with.
For example, the submissive may love the idea of being spanked bare bottomed or with a quilted paddle, but does not like the idea of being gagged. In this way, being spanked is a reward, while being gagged is a punishment.
Communication beforehand is absolutely necessary because it is all about enjoyment, fulfilment, consent, and never overstepping boundaries and limits.
After all that, have we peaked your interest? Sure, we’ve thrown a few ideas at you today, but don’t feel as though you need to try one or all of them. Do your own research and stick to something that you feel excited and open to try.
At the end of the day, the most important aspects to remember is communication, well-set-out boundaries, trust in each other, and a genuine interest in trying something new. Consent and confidence is sexy, always.
Written by Helena Lorimer