Interview with sexpert Tracey Cox

How did you become a Sex, Body Language and Relationship Expert?
A happy accident really! My big sister used to work for Family Planning so I was the kid at school that everyone went to when they wanted to know anything about sex. I spent so long running back and forth, I ended up knowing the answers without having to ask her! Then I studied journalism and psychology at university but couldn't decide which to pursue. Writing won and I ended up working at Cosmopolitan magazine for years, then left and went freelance and got lots of world-wide commissions to write stories about sex and relationships. A book came from that – Hot Sex: How to Do It – which became massively successful and the TV shows and columns and range naturally developed from there.

Specifically, how did you become a body language expert?
The body language was mainly self taught. I covered it in my psychology degree but then got hired to do a long-running TV show about body language called Would Like to Meet. During that four year period I researched and read everything I could about it. It's a fascinating topic.

Any quick tips on reading body language when you're single and are out and about flirting with the opposite sex?
Where do I start!!! Remember body language is logical. If someone fancies you, their body will point towards you. Look at which direction their torso, legs and feet are pointed if they've seen you and checked you out. If they like you, it will all be facing your way! There's a brilliant example of this when body language experts studied a room full of couples with one stunningly beautiful woman in it. All the men were dutifully facing their partners but all their feet were pointed towards the beautiful woman. Our feet point to where we want to go.

What are some of the most common problems you deal with in your day to day work?
I counsel via the media rather than face-to-face sessions. So most of the problems I solve are through media. Most columns I write have a word limit and that's a problem sometimes - trying to solve complicated problems and give helpful solutions when you have such a short amount of space to do it in!!!

I'm also in the process of designing and launching a new product range specifically for men. It's called Edge and it will be the only product range that's designed for both pleasure and to solve specific sex problems and enhance men's performance in bed. I'm really excited about it. But again, there's juggling and problem solving with that as well. I designed an app to go with the range, to help men to last longer before ejaculating using a sex therapy technique called peaking. I spent ages writing all the instructions but when I tested it out on my boyfriend, he took one look without even reading the 'how to use it' bit. He said no guy is ever going to read the instructions so I've had to go back and redo and simplify everything. Grrrrr. Men and women really are very different in that sense!

You've written numerous books on how to keep the sex alive in a relationship. What's your best advice on how couples can keep the passion strong in a long term relationship?
Have filthy sex!! The more you push yourselves out of your comfort zone the better. The longer you have been together, the more you have to trick your brains into thinking you're sleeping with someone new, rather than your partner of however many years. It's easier to do than you think: even having sex facing different ends of the bed will do it!

Every recent study about long term sex suggests we need less of the romantic/comfort variety style sessions and more lust-based sex which taps into more primitive needs and wants. I'm not suggesting we all race out to the local swinger's club, but I am suggesting doing things that make us feel slightly uncomfortable and giving it a whirl.

One of my first blog posts was on how to live out your fantasies and you've recently released Dare: What Happens When Fantasies Come True. What inspired you to write this?
I was fascinated by the Fifty Shades phenomenon and how women have very rich fantasy lives. But I also know that most fantasies don't survive in reality and a hell of a lot backfire. So I wrote the book in two parts - the fantasies are erotic stories you can read during solo sex or to get yourself all fired up. The realities - what happened when the women actually tried doing them in reality - is often funny or car-crash type stuff. Then I top and tailed the book with some advice on what to do if you want to take them through to reality without making those same mistakes.I loved writing it!

What's the best advice you would give to someone (or couples) wanting to turn their fantasies into reality?
Think it through and talk about every possible scenario that might happen. Don't assume anything. The amount of people that have had threesomes and get shocked when their partner interacts with the other person shocks me! No-one imagines that will happen and I can't understand why they don't think it will happen.

What do you love most about your job?
The flexibility of it - I can travel the world and work from anywhere. It's also incredibly satisfying helping people with their lives. Makes it all worthwhile when someone writes back to say I've made a difference!